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Did not set my alarm for 3am so that I could watch their show in “real” time–it went live on their site at 9am Paris time. Good thing…

I must say, what I saw made me embarrassed for them. Rather than a display of “the future,” the whole Web presentation instead looked stuck in the past, circa 2000. For some reason, fashion houses love Flash and they love bad electro-ambient soundtracks. To spare you the boredom of watching the show, the gist of it is this: It stars ’90s supermodel great Shalow Harlow. She models every look (how clever–get it? It’s the internet so you can use the same model!). We see each design from various camera angles, supposedly offering a more detailed look–but frankly, the cuts are too quick and the resolution too low to actually see what is going on.

Also in a nod to tradition, Shalom walks on a runway. Why not have her walk in space, or in the desert, or on water? Where’s the imagination in this? And the virtual room is filled with empty seats. Guess Anna Wintour’s avatar couldn’t make it on time for the early morning show.

At the end of a presentation that seems to go on forever (in reality, probably 15 minutes, which is nothing for a real fashion show but for a virtual one? A lifetime. And only 21 looks), all the Shaloms come out in their various outfits and flank the runway, clapping, as the disembodied heads and torsos of Viktor Horsting and Rolf Snoeren appear overhead like great and all-powerful wizards. Then everyone dissolves.

The clothes? Fave fashion terms like “architectural,” “futuristic” and “origami” on the one hand, and technology’s influence on the other hand in the form of motherboard prints and pixelated color. How about: “Autobot starship warrior princesses on their way to meet Tron.”

Oh, and wanna know how you make a Web show with no invites and no front row palatably exclusive for the fashion flock? Style.com will tell you how: “…the duo’s new Web show, which Style.com exclusively previewed in advance of its October 2 debut on the label’s Web site….” Advance screening! Some things never change.

Previously…